Beach Funeral: Honoring Loved Ones by Incorporating Their Life and Loves Into Their Memorial

By Ryan Helfenbein

Sally loved the beach. Everyone that knew Sally could share a memory of walking barefoot in the sand with her. Sally traveled from the Northern Atlantic beaches to the Eastern Caribbean to sit at the ocean’s edge with her friends. It was by far the happiest place for her to be. 

Upon Sally’s passing the funeral home did such an ‘amazing’ job. They had a metal urn up front, with carnations around it and a wonderful formal picture of her at the last wedding she attended 30 years ago. Her memorial card featured a white dove and the 23^rd Psalm on the back. Guests were offered water and mints, and there was organ music playing softly in the background. A real showcase of Sally’s love of life with an inviting environment for friends and family to share memories in … Not exactly. 

What was just described is unfortunately what most funeral homes still offer as a service of remembrance. Rather than focusing on the loss of the person with low lit rooms, stale flower smells and whispering the frequently used words of “I’m sorry for your loss,” we need something better today. We need an experience when faced with a loss that focuses on life, memories, and highlights the moments in time that family and friends enjoyed with that person. We need an experience to transform those familiar words of “I’m sorry for your loss” to “I remember when …”. What we need is a Good Funeral! 

Sally’s final farewell should have looked something like this: When guests and family entered the funeral home, they would notice familiar songs by Jimmy Buffett, Bob Marley and various Steel Drum artists, played at a volume that could be heard and enjoyed. A tiki bar would be offering daiquiris, margaritas and Landshark beer, the favorite cocktails Sally had enjoyed with her family and friends over the years. Guests could enjoy Caribbean pulled pork, chicken skewers and Key lime pie in memory of Sally’s love for beach food. All would have one more walk on the beach with Sally due to the funeral home’s willingness to protect their floors and have them covered with sand. Sally herself would be resting in her water scattering urn in the front of the room, on her beach chair, under her beach umbrella, next to her beach bag and hat. Oh, and what if on the way out, instead of a standard register book, guests would sign a large photo of Sally on the beach toasting to a setting sun. In addition, rather than a dove card, each guest would then be offered a personalized drink coaster that has this same photo on the front along with the lyrics of Jimmy Buffett, “I want to be where the wind and the water are free.”

We are fortunate that some undertakers are moving in this very direction. They take the time to listen, learn what made each person special and create an experience to allow friends and family to share those memories together. The profession of undertaking is twofold. It requires a focus on respecting the one who has passed and providing a time of healing for those left behind. Why this profession still feels that dark rooms, smelly flowers, and preprinted stationery will aid in the grieving process, one will never know. Today’s ceremony needs to celebrate life … not focus on loss. Your modern-day undertaker is here to do just that.

Ryan Helfenbein, owner, supervising mortician and preplanning counselor at Lasting Tributes on Bestgate Road in Annapolis, offers area residents solutions to high-cost funerals. He can be contacted at (410) 897-4852 or [email protected].