TREATING SUDDEN LOSS: THE CHANCE TO EXHALE

By Roberta Rook, MA, LCPC, Bereavement Counselor, Chesapeake Life Center

When death comes without warning, grief can feel disorienting and overwhelming. One moment life feels familiar; the next, everything has changed. For families and friends facing a sudden loss, there is no time to prepare, no gradual transition and often, no chance to say goodbye. In these moments, grief is not only about mourning a loved one, it is about making sense of a world that no longer feels safe or predictable.

No chance to say goodbye

An increasing number of people from the community seek help from grief professionals after a sudden loss. This includes people grieving someone who died from substance misuse, suicide, accidents, and sudden illness such as cardiac arrest and undiagnosed advanced-stage cancer. With little exception, the families had no time to even consider death, much less prepare for it. They didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. 

Adapting to the reality of sudden loss can take much longer. Often, survivors must address traumatic symptoms, while also learning to navigate their grief. Many sudden deaths have a component of perceived preventability – If only he had gone to rehab; if only he exercised more; if only she didn’t drive that night. This is a major complicating factor in reaction to sudden or traumatic death. It is common for survivors to replay the circumstances leading up to the death, which exacerbates feelings like guilt and anger. Additionally, suicide, homicide and overdose deaths can carry a stigma that complicates the grieving process. If the loss is perceived as preventable based on bad choices, survivors can feel ostracized and lack the social support they need to cope.

Trauma-informed counseling

For all these reasons, people experiencing sudden loss should seek bereavement support services from practices that are supported by trauma-informed counselors. Support groups that focus on sudden loss, including groups that focus on specific types of sudden loss, can be especially helpful. Survivors can go through their daily life just holding their breath, afraid of what others may think or say. These groups give them a safe place to exhale, to share honestly about their own experience, and to be among others who understand and empathize with the stigma, guilt and anger of coming to terms with their loved one’s sudden or unexpected death. 

To find a counselor, practice or support group to help you or someone you know begin to cope with a sudden loss, contact your local hospice organization or crisis-response center.

Hospice of the Chesapeake is a not-for-profit organization that is caring for life throughout the journey with illness and loss in Anne Arundel, Calvert, Charles and Prince George’s counties. Its affiliated programs include Chesapeake Supportive Care and its bereavement services, Chesapeake Life Center. For details, visit hospicechesapeake.org or call 410-987-2003.