EVERYBODY IS SOMEBODY

By Dr. Jim David

My wife and I live in an amazing retirement village. It is amazing for many reasons. For one, it is the largest Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) in the U.S. For another the grounds are immaculately manicured. Also, most importantly, the management and staff work collaboratively and respectfully with the 2,400 residents in independent living.

But the most pivotal issue is the quality of the people who decide to retire here. Located in the Washington D.C. area, many residents come from academia, federal jobs, the military, the law, and science. Even though many residents are high achievers, they are mostly unassuming and unpretentious.

Some examples of resident achievement are a three-star Navy admiral, the deputy commander of the National Security Agency (NSA), and a lawyer litigating court cases for the Department of Agriculture for 35 years. A friend told me that he recently attended a meeting where 13 of the 14 in attendance were Ph.D.’s.

ACKNOWLEDGING EVERYBODY

There are three levels to “Everybody is Somebody.”

The first level we have already addressed to some degree. We, as a society, tend to respect high achievers; particularly when they acknowledge that they were fortunate in integrating their inherent gifts with diligent self-discipline and help from others.

The second level is the most important level. This embodies treating every person with dignity and respect. In our retirement village, with 1,300 employees from countless other countries, we have ample opportunities to practice treating others as we would like to be treated. From high school students who serve us our meals to those who pick up our trash, repair our air conditioning, and meet our every need, we practice Diversity, Equity, and Inclusiveness (DEI).

A THIRD LEVEL

Irving Polster (1922-2024), a pioneering Gestalt psychotherapist, wrote, “Every Person’s Life is Worth a Novel.” He believed that every person is uniquely interesting and important. He guided his patients in discovering hidden meaning in their lives, enriching their self-valuing in surfacing themes, patterns and significances. He combined the skills and creativity of a novelist with the human understanding of a psychologist.

I like to say that every person’s life IS a novel.

FRESH EYES

Marcel Proust, the French philosopher and novelist said, “The real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

How do we develop new eyes or fresh eyes? And, how do we know if the lenses we currently have are healthy or toxic?

HEALTHY EYES

Acquiring healthy eyes takes time and intentional grooming. But, interestingly, acquiring healthy eyes effortlessly arrives as a byproduct of staying centered – staying connected to the center of your being. Intrinsic to this connectedness is experiencing yourself as totally OK just as you are. So, your total okayness is being rooted in your essential goodness where you are pure love. This may sound like an unattainable fairy tale, and it is only in achieving it does it become completely believable.

Healthy eyes are fresh eyes where we see with the eyes of love. We see joy and, probably, excitement in each item we focus on. The sky, trees, plants, people, animals, insects – Everything brings joy.

Pierre Teihard de Chardin, the legendary Jesuit priest paleontologist famously said, “The surest sign of the presence of God is joy.”

Joy arrives as the love within sparks acceptance of all people. Total self-acceptance and being at peace with everyone and everything are the operational platforms to begin living in love and acceptance.

TOXIC EYES

Toxic eyes live in blame. Scapegoating is so rewarding because in blaming, ridiculing and judging others as impaired in some way, we, the scapegoaters, automatically become elevated to a loftier plane of perfection. People love to hate because it is so uplifting, i.e., “I am fine, but the other is despicable in every way.”

NEW EYES

New eyes arrive in monitoring ourselves to live in acceptance of ourselves and all others, which requires intense self-awareness, self-discipline, and self-responsibility. We know we are on the healthy eye path as we live in the warmth and security of acceptance, overcoming our tendency to judge others negatively.

Dr. Jim David is a retired psychotherapist in Silver Spring, MD, who adheres to positivity in all areas of life. Learn more about the personal, spiritual and executive coaching he does on his website, www.askdrdavidnow.com, or email [email protected].