DEATH DESERVES DIGNITY

“I just want an apple.” This is such a simple request. An apple. If you go down to the local farmers market, you can buy an apple. If you go to Walmart, you can buy an apple. You don’t need a specific kind of apple; you just want to eat an apple. The farmers market provides the opportunity to know exactly where and even who grew that apple, while Walmart is offering a bundle for one to be chosen from. These apples cost the same, right? Aren’t they both just apples? You and I both know there are significant differences in how that apple was grown, sourced, picked, processed, and prepared for the consumer’s consumption – but after all, it’s just an apple.

My articles have always focused on highlighting why we need a ceremony, a space to share memories and hopefully find comfort in togetherness, but the increasingly popular phrase of “I just want cremation” has me wondering if we truly understand what we’re asking for? 

Maybe you or someone you know has called places and asked this very question. A wide assortment of personalities, prices, and details are provided – but how is that so if you’re only asking ’just for cremation’? When an organization lists all the things included in their cremation oversight, they’re immediately dismissed because, as a society, we’ve decided we don’t want all of “that.” After all, we started the call by saying “just pick me up and cremate.” 

This may sound silly but stay with me. Let’s think of “just cremation” in the same way we think of “just an apple.” Death occurs, your family calls the provider of choice, they speak to someone and are told someone will be there shortly. There are some questions to consider:

Who is the someone to handle the transport from the place of death? Will it be one person or two? Are they an employee of the establishment you are entrusting or are they a third-party hired out to act on the provider’s behalf? The majority of death care providers do not oversee their own transports and simply call on another company to take care of the transport. In order to limit any potential mix-ups, be sure the staff members are employed by the provider you are calling and not hired help from an outside party. 

What vehicle will arrive at your home and how is it kept? Is it a white commercial cargo van or something more inconspicuous? Will multiple stops be made to gather other decedents as well, or will a single transportation vehicle be used to go directly to the entrusted facility you contacted? It could be a telling sign of how closely they take care of things and the ethics behind what they do by simply taking notice of the vehicle alone. 

When will they arrive? “Shortly” is a subjective time frame. Will your family be waiting less than 90 minutes, or will they wait four to eight hours? Time is important and most nursing facilities will require transport within a 4-hour time frame. 

Where are they taking you? Will you go back to the establishment called on or are you being transferred to a third-party warehouse facility without your family knowing? When cremation is carried out, will you ultimately be taken to yet another warehouse for that task? Cremation providers continuously have legal action brought against them for unethical oversight due to so many companies being involved for that single task of “just cremation.” Be sure to work with a licensed establishment that confirms you never leave their care and assures their complete oversight in the entire process …. including cremation. 

How are you kept once in their care? Is a flimsy cardboard box held in a publicly accessed area with multiple others waiting for cremation or is a respectable concealed container being privately held in a temperature controlled secured area at the establishment you selected? Dignity and unwavering care cannot be valued enough in this moment. 

And lastly, WHY does any of this matter … because I’m dead?! That may be true, but if the whole point of “just pick me up and cremate” is to make the suffering less painful on our family members, then isn’t disregarding the professionalism and integrity of the very first component of this request invalidating the overall mission? If all of this can be said of “just pick me up” then certainly there are many ways to achieve an end result.

For as many years as I’ve been writing these articles, I’ve always encouraged readers to think outside of the box (no pun intended), to experience the difference, to make educated choices and so on. Asking “How much is ‘just cremation’” is exactly like asking how much an apple costs, especially in the case of losing a loved one. People are astounded by the vast difference in cost for “just cremation.” Sadly, I don’t have the answers for everyone, neither for procedure nor for cost. But I do have to wonder, how is it that Walmart can provide an apple at such a low price?

Ryan, owner, supervising mortician and preplanning counselor at Lasting Tributes on Bestgate Road in Annapolis, offers area residents solutions to high-cost funerals. He can be contacted at (410) 897-4852 or [email protected].